How do I apologize for being MIA these last several months—“missing in action” on this blog, online, via e-mail? This long road I’ve traveled grows longer by the day, stretching out just a little farther every time I sigh with relief to think I’ve glimpsed its end. It’s a road of growth that and discipline that makes me think boot camp must be easier.
If you endure discipline, God is dealing with you as with His own children. For who is the child whom a father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become sharers, then you are bastards, not sons and daughters.
Hebrews 12:7-8
Excuses come readily. I might say that there’s been an unrivaled degree of stress in my life. Certainly I’ve endured affliction. More than once, I’ve simply offered (truthfully) that I’m struggling with health issues. With those closest to me, I’ve shared details of stresses and afflictions enormous enough to provoke those health issues.
But when all is said and done …
When I look at the last 51 months through spiritual lenses …
When I’m honest with God, myself, and others …
I know, O LORD, that Your judgments are right,
And that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.
Psalm 119:75 (NKJV)
This road has been long because I still have far too much pride and my good Father is working it out of me. He is my Father, and my Maker, and my Lord. He is wise and loving and knows the means by which He may best change and break and rebuild me. I’ve thought Him too tough on me and have foolishly shrunk back from His hand, insisting on a bit of relief from the furnace of refinement.
Unless Your law had been my delight,
I would then have perished in my affliction.
Psalm 119:92 (NKJV)
The end of this long road is not yet in sight. I don’t say that I’ve learned or grown enough to have gained the privilege of travelling a new road. I make no promise of when I’ll find sufficient spirit to write again. (There’s been no “writer’s block”—my fingers often punch out black words against white, but then my heart withers before finishing them.)
But as long as I have breath, I shall continue to declare the goodness of my beloved Lord.
This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
Through the LORD's mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:21-23 (NKJV)
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Copyright 2013, Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.
I have wanted to respond to your writing here but it won't let me do it from my phone and I keep forgetting to do it from my computer. Anyway, I especially appreciate your words, "I've thought Him too tough on me and have foolishly shrunk back from His hand, insisting on a bit of relief from the furnace of refinement." While I do not believe that I have suffered as you have, I did see some of your shrinking away, yet felt inadequate in encouraging you. Maybe because I was not suffering as you.
ReplyDeleteI know that this has caused you to give much reflection on your life, as this article so plainly reads, and for that I am grateful. I certainly know that God has equipped you with everything that you need, to be the servant that He has called you to be.
...but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Romans 5:3-5
In you, I definitely see the perseverance and character...and I think that I am beginning to see the hope.
Praying all is well ALB. Abide in Him. John 15. Grace and peace to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteDear Mary and Makala ~
ReplyDeleteHow grateful to God I am for you both—for your love, fellowship, and encouragement. I have been on a long road indeed. Every time I thought I'd rounded the last bend, it turned out that another weary stretch lay ahead.
In recent days, I've felt new energy for the first time in many, many months. Though it might sound strange to others, I think you two are among those who will understand that I feel uplifted upon the prayers of others. I cannot say for certain that the home stretch of this particular road is now within sight, but it does seem that way. As I recently completed the book of Job once again ("randomly" scheduled as part of my Bible reading), it seems that I saw new things in the final chapters that I'd not seen before, about what it looks like when the Lord is bringing a work to completion.
In any case, there is a new hope (as Mary notes) in my spirit that has been missing for too long. I have certainly been changed by these last four and a half years of trial. I know the Lord is able to sustain the changes that benefit me, and sustain me through all else.
May the Lord bless and multiply to you your ministry to me!
Tears...of sorrow and joy. I love you so very much!
DeleteJust checked back. He Himself is our Hope. Let Him pour it into you. Fear not, and neither be dismayed, for it is HE Himself that doth go before thee. He will not fail thee, neither forsake thee. Fear not child, nor be dismayed. He is risen! Happy Resurrection Day!
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