Friday Freelance: FAVOR

Why me?

My memories of my youth are of being pretty unhappy with life. Mostly because as I looked at people around me, it seemed everyone else had it ... better.

I was a geeky kid growing up. The other kids were all taller, prettier, more popular. More normal. They had more cool stuff than I did, nicer clothes, less weird parents. The teachers liked them more. I was the oldest in a large family and had more chores than anyone else I knew. I spent many hours lamenting my sad state in life and my lack of friends.

Little improved as a teen, when the other girls had boyfriends and I did not, because I still wasn't popular among my peers. So I decided to skip the teen years and move on to being an adult, hanging around people ten years older than me who accepted me—for their own various reasons. I'd learned to work hard, so employers liked me as an employee. I was smart enough to excel at nearly anything I put my mind to and afraid of almost nothing, so I could always be counted on to add something to anyone's venture. I accompanied my friends to the bar after work where I could put down shots without wincing (I learned to drink on Bushmills whiskey) and knew to quit before acting like a fool, so I fit in there. I learned how to get a boyfriend. Things seemed to be looking up.

After working quite successfully through a couple of jobs in the legal field, I decided to pursue a career in law enforcement. Did I say pursue? I became consumed. I studied Criminal Justice in college and volunteered at the police department. I always hated running but took up jogging and was on Nautilus equipment nearly daily. I learned to fit in with the cops professionally and socially. I eventually scored number four out of some 1500 applicants with the Denver Police, but declined their job offer in favor of the smaller department where I scored number one.

I found no peace in any of it. Fun? Absolutely. But emotional security remained as elusive as when I was a geeky kid. I never stopped feeling lonely. My teen sisters started families, and their facade of relational stability and love looked so ... better.

I believed in God. I talked to Him once in a while. But I only remember a single two word prayer.

Why me?

Why did everyone else seem happy but me? Why did I succeed and still feel like a complete failure? Why didn't any man really love me? Why did I feel so lonely surrounded by so many "friends"?

Being lonely and alone or being lonely in a crowd are bad enough. Being lonely with one other person is more than a soul can bear.

Optimist: Someone who gets a load of manure dumped

in front of them and immediately begins digging through it

to find the gift horse which was surely included.

Jesus Christ got a firm grip on me one day and I latched onto Him right back. He gave me truth and brought me peace. He made me know His love. He gave me an Extreme Makeover, Soul Edition, from the inside out.

He completely changed my perspective of circumstances. I began to see incredible blessing from Him everywhere, even when things don't go right. I learned how to depend upon Him when I feel weak. I came to know that however I struggle, He is right there with me.

My life has few easy days. I have plenty I could whine about if I chose to do so (and occasionally I do). But I see complaining as the opposite of thanksgiving, and God is far too good to me to allow for diluting blessing with whining.

I am astounded by the favor God shows me. How is it that my life should be so good?

When I think about His favor, a two word prayer frequently escapes:

Why me?

Your feedback is appreciated. Post to BuildingHisBody.com "Comments" or e-mail to BuildingHisBody@gmail.com. Copyright 2009, Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.