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Monday, March 8, 2010

Question of the Week: Is It Wrong ...?

"Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking."
~ J.C. Watts

Q: "Is it wrong for a male and female to live together as roommates if there are no romantic intentions?" From Kim Botdorf, South Carolina

The answer applies to anything we might call "wrong" as violation of God's law or commandment.

Let's first establish if we're bound by the letter of the law, or if we have the freedom to live by the spirit of the law.

The Bible gives God's Ten Commandments for humanity. If closely examined, people quickly discover inability to live by the those ten basic laws: we appropriate what belongs to others (stealing); we deceive (however overtly or covertly); we covet.

We don't begin to satisfy commandment number one: "I am the LORD your God ... you shall have no other gods before Me." Our first god is Self. How many times is what we want placed ahead of what God wants?

For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all. (James 2:10 NKJV)

We are hopeless lawbreakers. Inherently self-centered, we are unable to give God His rightful place in our lives. Snubbing God on earth is a decision to forego living with Him in Heaven. Though we want to see ourselves as mostly "good," even a little bit of "bad" poisons our souls.

God imposed a spiritual death penalty for sinful people who break His commandments and don't put Him first. Such people don't live in His kingdom.

Under the law, whether the question is about roommates or anything else, the liberalist finds a way to judge it okay, the legalist finds a way to condemn. But a person is a lawbreaker subject to an eternal death penalty anyway, so the question has little more significance than an embezzler of millions worrying about pilfering paper clips.

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. (Romans 8:1-2 NKJV)

God loves us and makes available a payment of the death penalty, a covering for our sin, and a cleansing which makes us fit for God's presence. That is all accomplished by the blood which Jesus shed when He died on the cross.

Those who admit to God they're sinners, then ask Him to forgive their sin and cleanse them from it through Jesus are now "in Christ." Among other things, we now have His Holy Spirit to guide how we live. We are set free from the letter of the law to live by the spirit of the law.

"All things are lawful for me," but not all things are helpful. "All things are lawful for me," but I will not be enslaved by anything. (1 Corinthians 6:12 ESV)

For those in Christ, who are to live by the spirit of the law, the roommates question is not a matter of right or wrong, but does it honor God? Is it beneficial to all involved? Does the situation enslave anyone? (An example of the latter would be to live in continual battle against emotions and hormones which have a tendency to get the better of the best intentions.)

Finally, has God provided a reason to do in faith what might be questioned? (An example for roommates would be as caretaker for someone.)

If we ask questions to either justify or condemn a situation, there are no satisfactory answers.

If we ask questions with a pure desire to live rightly in Christ—without personal motive—God's Spirit can guide us to do what honors Him and is most beneficial to all involved.

© 2010 Anne Lang Bundy

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This post originally appeared at Bullets & Butterflies on March 5. To see additional comments, click here.


  1. My son went through this -- with another male roommate who then invited a third female roommate.

    There was never any sexual impropriety, but it did pose continual problems.

    Just not a "wise" thing to do. "All things are permissable, but not all things are profitable", right?

    Now, I'll go check out your answer :)

    David, Red Letter Believers,, “Salt and Light”

  2. David ~ How did you know what I was going to say? : )


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