All the Way to the End

He likes meat and potatoes with plenty of plain butter.
I like ethnic food with plenty of kick.

He searches out still waters good for fishing.
I tend to stir up waters in search of adventure.

He's the firearms and ammo expert sought out for advice.
I brandish the Sword of the Lord to flash its Light.

He'd be a golden retriever, steady and faithful.
I'd be an eagle, soaring and plunging.

We would not be the same without each other, this Polish-French-Canadian and his German-Irish-Hispanic-Native American bride. We need each other to be who God means us to be.

I lied to him about why I took our son to Grandma's, robbed him of the cell phone his office rings at all hours, and compelled him to drive the kidnaper's getaway car. All was not as it seemed for his birthday celebration.

In between the perfect dinner at a lodge and romance at a bed and breakfast, we walked along the break wall on Lake Huron. Winter ice still spills over it, and we reached a point all but blocked.

He eyed icy waters 15 (20?) feet below and my high-heeled boots. Far enough? he asked. I said let's keep going. I deftly stepped along the edge. He climbed across ice I didn't want to touch.

And then we walked all the way to the end.

The end of a thing is better than its beginning.
~ Ecclesiastes 7:8 (NKJV)

He is holy and clothed in majesty.
We are sinful and clothed in dust.

His is all manner of love and mercy.
We are all manner of apathy and judgment.

He is purest truth, as solid as a rock.
We walk in a world where no ground is sure.

He shows favor and grace in every way to defy explanation.
We struggle to even receive it, let alone pass it on.

He'd never be the same without us, for we are His masterpiece through which His every attribute is displayed. We need each other, this God and the bride He is sculpting, for we can only be all we are meant to be if we are together.

All is not as it seems. He sees the end from the beginning, and reveals only as much as we need to know until He unveils His surprises.

And He walks us all the way to the end.

To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven ...
He has made everything beautiful in its time.
Also He has put eternity in their hearts,
except that no one can find out
the work that God does from beginning to end.
~ Ecclesiastes 3:1,11 (NKJV)

Comments, questions, and respectful disagreement are welcome. Reply to BuildingHisBody.com comments, or e-mail buildingHisbody [plus] @gmail.com
Copyright 2011, Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.

Question of the Week: Balance in Marital Submission

by Anne Lang Bundy

"I can't promise you that I will bring you all home alive. But this I swear, before you and before Almighty God, that when we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off, and I will leave no one behind."

~ Lt. Col. Hal Moore,

from the movie We Were Soldiers

(© 2002 Paramount Pictures)

A biblical look at "Submission to Authority" was planned as one post but is being stretched into three:

February 4: Submit to Bad Government?
February 11: Obedience or Submission?
February 18: Balance in Marital Submission?

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Last week's post ended with these words:

The principle of love acts not according to mere duty, but according to what is in the best interest of both [neighbor] and myself, in light of eternity and God's truth... Where marriage is concerned, the Bible teaches that balance comes not only in understanding the distinction between obedience and submission, but in understanding how both husband and wife submit to each other.

Jesus epitomizes a principle which God stressed most emphatically throughout the entire Bible: the greater the power a person has, the greater the responsibility to use it for good to serve others.

No human has greater power or has served others as sacrificially as Jesus Christ. He is the standard for servant leadership.

The headship of a husband above his wife is not about exercising power and authority, but about leadership and order among equals. The principle is perhaps seen most clearly in the military, where good leadership values and relies upon lower ranking officers, while exercising decisive leadership for the best of all. Good leadership would not think of asking from a subordinate what one would not be willing to do, as seen in the example pictured above.

I have observed two extremes purported to be marital submission.

One extreme says the husband speaks for God, and is therefore heeded without question, perhaps without a wife even thinking to offer input. This approach 1) makes an idol of the husband; 2) denies a husband the value of his wife as a helpmeet; 3) makes a woman a subservient pet at best, a doormat at worst.

The other extreme embraces the "forgiveness is easier to obtain than permission" mantra, with a wife doing her own will unless expressly forbidden by a husband. Such an approach 1) disregards the high price of forgiveness; 2) is blind to the high cost of lost trust in a relationship; 3) undermines the true spirit of submission.

Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is...
submitting to one another in the fear of God.
~ Ephesians 5:17,21 (NKJV)

In a balanced, biblical approach to submission, husband and wife both submit personal will to God first, and each other second. The husband exercises responsible, sacrificial servant leadership, taking the lead in laying down personal desires, and seeking a wife's unique perspective to make informed decisions. The wife follows her husband's lead with a submissive spirit, recognizing that the Lord appoints her husband as a minister for her good, respectfully sharing her relevant knowledge and supporting his final decision unless he chooses a clearly immoral path. Both accept that they're mutually fallible and actively seek God's guidance.

"Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely."
~ Lord Acton

The above principles of servant leadership, trust, and fallibility also apply to government authority. Esteem the exceptional official who, regardless of political affiliation, behaves as a public servant rather than as a totalitarian prig feeding at the trough of public monies.

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This post originally appeared at Bullets & Butterflies. To see ongoing dialogue in comments posted there click here.

What questions do you have about Christianity or the Bible? You're invited to leave them in the comments below (anonymous questions welcome), or email buildingHisbody [plus] @ gmail.com.

© 2011 Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.

Question of the Week: Can Marital Sex be Sinful? Part III

Is pornography adultery?
~ Anonymous
Am I obligated to sleep with a spouse who I do not think loves me anymore and is just using me for sex?
~ Anonymous


These were submitted as two separate questions. Both might receive a simple 'yes' based on Matthew 5:28 and 1 Corinthians 7:4-5. But addressing sin in context of marital sex deserves far more depth, and three posts are planned to offer some answers:

Part I: Sexual Immorality, Unique Sin
Part II: Sex Drive, Unique Motivation
Part III: Sexual Contrasts, Unique Solution

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SEXUAL CONTRASTS, UNIQUE SOLUTION

"In a relationship conflict,
crying is often a woman's response to feeling unloved,
and anger is often a man's response to feeling disrespected."
~ Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
Love and Respect Ministries, Inc.

Let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
~ Ephesians 5:33 (NKJV)

The same contrasts between a man and woman which cause differences also have potential to bring distinction to their relationship.

The entire fifth chapter of Ephesians weaves back and forth in discussion of union between the believer with the Spirit, between a man and wife, between Christ and His bride. Paul blurs the lines throughout the section, so that all he says may be applied to marriages both spiritual and human. He ends on the emphatic point of love and respect—Greek agapaō and phobeō.

This verb phobeō (from which we derive the noun "phobia") is translated "fear" every other time it appears in the Bible. There is only one reason to justify the deviation of most translations, which render this verb as "respect" rather than "fear" in this exceptional verse.

Here, phobeō is coupled with love.

Men must be respected by their wives, or they will not feel loved. If a man thinks his wife does not convey respect—whether in her assessment of his judgments and capabilities, or by her words spoken to him and about him—he will not feel loved, and he will have difficulty conveying love to her. She may even think she intends respect, but what will matter to him is what he perceives.

Likewise, regardless of how a man actually feels about his wife, a woman who feels unloved will not only be utterly crushed, but will also have some difficulty showing her husband respect in a way which is meaningful to him.

Few things are as vulnerable as a man’s ego and a woman's heart.

The bedroom has more potential than anywhere else as a place for love and respect to be displayed or denied. Here, where a man and woman are most vulnerable and exposed, a marriage may be bonded or broken.

The man who wants a wife to respect his judgment and capabilities anywhere else will first demonstrate them here. When he unlocks her emotions with his love and tenderness, he finds the key to her passions and responsiveness.

If a woman struggles to show respect to a husband she feels unworthy of it, even that must be communicated with respect. If she would invite him to love her unconditionally, she will respect him unconditionally.

The soul of a man's ego and a woman's heart are where they are most easily injured—or where they find most exquisite delight.

When sin and immorality and injury persist via sex, without repentance, marriage breaks down.

When love and respect flourish via marital sex, they will likely bloom throughout the marriage—with her as his most passionate champion, him as her most devoted lover.

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For more on love and respect, see "For Guys Only."

This post originally appeared at Bullets & Butterflies. To see additional comments containing ongoing dialogue, click here.

What questions do you have about Christianity or the Bible? You're invited to leave them in the comments below (anonymous questions welcome), or email buildingHisbody [plus] @ gmail.com

© 2010, Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.

Question of the Week: What is Marriage?

In God's eyes, what is marriage? What is divorce?

~ Jodi, Michigan

The short answer I'd offer is that marriage is God making two people one flesh and divorce is humans ripping flesh apart:

[Jesus] said to them, "... 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh' ... they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
Matthew 19:4-6 (NKJV)

Marriage is the lifelong covenant relationship between a man and woman, instituted by God for our temporal time on earth, officially established by formal vows made before witnesses. Among the purposes of marriage are:

• Supportive human companionship (Genesis 2:18)
• Procreation of godly offspring (Genesis 1:28)
• To clarify God's relationship with His people (Ephesians 5:22-33)

Marriage is the most significant human relationship, but it is only a model of a bigger, spiritual relationship between God and His people. We are to love the Lord and be united to Him physically (yielding our bodies to His Holy Spirit), in mind (conforming our way of thinking to His), in heart (loving who and what He loves), and in soul (our identity is attached to Jesus Christ).

"The goal in marriage is not to think alike,
but to think together."
~ Robert Anderson

"One flesh" signifies that two people are joined not just physically, but also by thinking together from different perspectives, by sharing desires and aspirations, and uniting their identities as part of each other.

Through His relationship with us, God also indicates how we respond to an imperfect spouse. God loves us despite our neglect, shortcomings, misplaced priorities, and indifference. He asks us to do the same.

The Old Testament permitted a man to divorce his wife for sexual "uncleanness" (or "shamefulness"), though the Jews came to divorce for other kinds of disfavor. Jesus made clear that while Moses permitted divorce because of hardened hearts, only sexuality immorality provided legitimate grounds for divorce. Paul went on to explain that a Christian shouldn't divorce an unbelieving spouse, but was released from the marriage only if the unbelieving spouse abandons the Christian.

God calls divorce "violence." Its effect upon our souls is no less than if we ripped an arm off a person, separating flesh from flesh. An arm would only be amputated when it contains disease which has already separated it from life in the body.

It might be said that when all other means of recovery have failed to restore the member diseased with sexual immorality or abandonment, divorce cuts off what is already dead. To use divorce for lesser reason is to commit unnecessary violence to ourselves and to the model of God's enduring covenant.

A final note: The sanctity of the marriage covenant never demands self-sacrifice which allows oppressive abuse. Jesus says, "... learn what this means: 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice.' "

© 2010 Anne Lang Bundy
Image source: 123nonstop.com

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This post originally appeared at Bullets & Butterflies. To see additional comments click here.

Surviving the Teens

I'm skipping the book of Revelation today to instead post the below open letter to my husband for our wedding anniversary.

"If you're going through Hell, keep going."
~ Winston Churchill

Dear John,

When I gave you the above quote to hang in your office, I'd guess we both thought it would only apply to your job.

I'd guess when we both said, "for better or for worse," we weren't thinking "worse" would include walking each other through Hell.

I'd guess we're both better for surviving the flames.

Today we complete nineteen years of marriage and begin the twentieth. When people have said the teen years were difficult, they usually mean the kids. But I'd be really curious to find out the statistics on how many marriages don't make it through the teens.

I'm glad to have found out that the faithfulness of your character could outlast the teens, that both our hearts rely on God, that our love for each other proved fireproof.

Two are better than one,
Because they have a good reward for their labor.
For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
For he has no one to help him up.
Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;
But how can one be warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
~ Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NKJV)

I thank God that we established our marriage on Him, because He preserved us when we would have otherwise unraveled. I thank God that He gave us the ability to together withstand the enemy trying to rip us apart. I thank God for all the people who have prayed for us.

I give you my word I'll try to visit the past only when we find it hindering us from moving forward. I give you my word that I'll let you lead me there. I give you my word to remain by your side when we lie down together and when we take our stand together and as we walk together.

I give you my word that I'll keep saying to you, "Every day is a new day."

Today, John, I affirm:

I thank my God upon every remembrance of you ... because I have you in my heart ...
~ Philippians 1:3,7 (NKJV)

With love and affection,
Anne
xxooxxoo — etc.

P.S. There's another verse between those last two that goes like this:

He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.
~ Philippians 1:6 (NKJV)
: )

Image source unavailable.

Question of the Week: How Should Marriage be Performed?

"Chains do not hold a marriage together.
It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads
which sew people together through the years."
~ Simone Signoret

What does the Bible say about how marriage should be performed? Are marriages outside the Church valid?
~ Rachel Hirst, Port Orange, FL

If there's a topic offering more room for misunderstanding of Scripture than the Trinity and the sovereignty of God combined, it would be marriage.

Though the first question (above) is how marriage should be performed, it implies a query about how to perform the weddings by which marriage is established. Let’s address both.

The Bible (particularly Song of Solomon) describes how couples of ancient Israel were joined in marriage—but Scripture does not give actual instructions on necessary components of a wedding.

Marriage itself was established when the Lord created Eve, in a passage later quoted and confirmed by Jesus. The verses are most familiar for their use in wedding ceremonies:

But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.... Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said:
"This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man."
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
~ Genesis 2:20-24 (NKJV)

The Bible goes on to say a great deal about how men are to treat their wives. Several places address women about their attitude toward husbands. Throughout Old and New Testaments, it is clear that God established marriage as a most sacred institution, and that He thoroughly abhors adultery and divorce. Reverence of marriage is emphasized as a portrait of the covenant relationship the Lord makes with His people.

Who has authority to validate marriage?

Marriage between a man and woman is the family institution which stabilizes civilizations, and societies in which marriage breaks down also crumble, so the state is one entity with a reasonable interest in establishing marriage, where no church sanction is sought. However ...

Where there is no counsel, the people fall;
But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.
~ Proverbs 11:14 (NKJV)

The man and woman who respect God do well to ask the counsel and blessing (officiating) of church authority. Responsible church leaders of all denominations will actively guide couples to neither enter nor exit marriage without the most serious consideration.

I am aware that the Roman Catholic Church goes beyond offering counsel, and that it denounces marriage by Catholics performed “outside” the church. However, since I consider the Bible the first and final authority on matters of faith, I suggest that a valid marriage covenant is established when a man and woman:
• reverence marriage as a permanent relationship established by God;
• exchange formal vows before witnesses; and
• give themselves to one another in physical union.

© 2010 Anne Lang Bundy
Image source: luxeproductionsnw.blogspot.com

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This post originally appeared at Bullets & Butterflies. To see additional comments click here.

Living Messages

"Every child comes with the message
that God is not yet discouraged of man."
~ Ravindranath Tagore

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one's youth.
Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them.
~ Psalms 127:4-5 (NKJV)

Living Messages

I think it lovely to look into the face of a child and see the image of both father and mother, melded into one. It testifies to the privilege in co-operating with our Maker to create the wonder of life.

I think it lovely to look into the face of a child of God and see the image of Jesus, contained in the light of being born a new creation.

I think it loveliest of all when a child of man becomes a child of God and becomes the message of all that is good in the world.

Father in Heaven, thank You for the father of my children. Please bless him. Please enable him and fulfill his desire to be a good father—like You.

"Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see."
~ John W. Whitehead

Your feedback is appreciated. Post to BuildingHisBody.com Comments or e-mail to BuildingHisBody@gmail.com. Copyright 2010, Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.

Lessons on Emptiness from the Movie 300

The theme for today’s blog carnival (hosted by Bridget Chumbley) is “Emptiness.” Visit her site for thoughts from others.

"Freedom isn't free at all.
It comes with the highest of costs—
the cost of blood."
~ Queen Gorgo, 300

Lessons on Emptiness from the Movie 300

It is said that in heat of battle, a soldier fights not for country but for brother soldier. Yet if not for home and freedom, the soldier would not train for battle or go to war in the first place.

I appreciate the war movies which illustrate both, whether with the credibility of We Were Soldiers, or in the fantasy historical 300. In the latter, all of value to the men—sons, land, freedom—is represented in their women. The Persian enemy threatened, “We will make your women, your children our slaves.” Such taunts solidified the Spartans’ resolve to fight.

The queen of Spartan king Leonidas did not go with him to battlefield, but fought for him from her place at home, bolstered by the esteem He’d shown her. She was privy to talks with foreign diplomat—a man slain by Leonidas for insults capped with disdain for his queen. In hour of decision, after consulting others, Leonidas came to her who knew him best, and she articulated the cause in his heart: “Fight not as a king ... fight as a free man.” For his cause she sacrificed her dignity to a traitor yet remained above degradation. She appealed with eloquence to the council authority who could give her king support. Leonidas took courage in death with the words, “My queen, my wife, my love.” When the time came to lay down his life, the message he sent was the simple request, “Remember me.”

Call me a naïve romantic or out of date for my perspective. In this world, a woman’s foremost purpose is still as champion of the men in her life—be they father, son, brother, husband—empowering them with respect, sacrificial action, worthy words. A man’s foremost purpose is esteeming the love of his life and everything of value she represents with the laying down of his life, whether with his blood or in day to day sacrifice. Neither death nor degradation should threaten our resolve.

Is it possible that we live with emptiness in our souls because we seek to fulfill ourselves in lesser purposes?

"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
~ Ephesians 5:31-33 (NKJV)

There is a far greater reason for the soul’s emptiness—its God-shaped void.

Temporal romance awakens us to the divine romance. This love story is of the mighty Prince Who creates a magnificent home for the love of His life. He patiently woos His love for many years, and finally betroths her to Himself by defeating with His shed blood the evil dragon which has long tormented her. He asks as He lays down His life, "Remember Me."

We are the love of His life, and our purpose is to be constant champions of His cause, shown in our great respect for Him, sacrificial action, words of appeal to the authority of the Father. The world may degrade us, yet if we are humble we remain above it.

We feel emptiness when we seek fulfillment apart from the cause of our King. We also feel emptiness in separation from our King. But unlike the queen of King Leonidas, we are assured of our Lord's return, and He remains with us through His Holy Spirit.

They said to the LORD, "We have sinned! Do to us whatever seems best to You; only deliver us this day, we pray." So they turned from their idols and served the LORD. And His soul could no longer endure the misery of His people.
~ Judges 10:15-16 (author paraphrase)

I believe that God’s great love for us creates a humanity-shaped void in His soul. I believe He knows misery in His soul in our separation from Him. It begins to be satisfied when we are reconciled to Him, and give His Spirit a home in our hearts.

But until the day all separation ends, our God shares our emptiness.

This post is dedicated to all the military and civilian personnel who have given their lives to protect us and our freedoms. They have my profound gratitude, on Memorial Day and every day.

Your feedback is appreciated. Post to BuildingHisBody.com Comments or e-mail to BuildingHisBody@gmail.com. Copyright 2010, Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.
Image from the movie 300, © 2006 Warner Brothers Pictures

Dear John

Today's post is an open letter to my husband John.


"Love never asks how much must I do, but how much can I do."
~ Frederick A. Agar


Rejoice with the wife of your youth...
And always be enraptured with her love.
~ Proverbs 5:18-19 (NKJV)

Speak the things which are proper ... the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things—that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
~ Titus 2:1-5 (NKJV)

Dear John ~

Though your birthday's a month away, I've never been good at holding on to gifts. You see me always shopping for birthday and Christmas gifts at the very last minute, because whatever I buy in advance finds another reason for me to present it. So I'm writing to you now, since there's no way I can hold these words a whole month.

First of all, thanks for the flowers, babe. It's a lovely thing for a woman to receive flowers on her birthday or Valentine's Day or wedding anniversary. But when you simply see the flowers next to me and can't resist buying them, that means even more than when you do it because you have an excuse. The roses are a beautiful reminder that you love me in spite of myself.

Thanks for reading my blog. I'll have a smile plastered all over my face when you wake up this morning, wondering what your reaction will be at that opening line and your photo. I'm truly blessed that despite you having about as much love for writing as I have for guns (though each of us values them both), you support me and let me keep the crazy hours I do to nourish my soul this way.

I could go on and on thanking you. Thanks for being so loving with our kids, even when they make you crazy. Thanks for being committed to the homeschooling that I love us doing. Thanks for having a reputation at work for being faithful to your wife, and for being the kind of guy to earn the nickname "Saint John." Thanks for putting in all the hours at a horrible job with ... ornery people, to care so well for our family. Thanks for letting us spend the money on all the kids' lessons instead of the bigger house we woefully need or the vacation you'd like.

Most of all, thanks for putting up with someone as not normal as me and figuring out how to love me.

I hope I've respected you, both to your face and to others. Though things got pretty rough for us a couple of months back, you were great at respecting me enough to not object when I felt it necessary to explain my absence from blogging. I can tell that you're proud of me posting over on Bullets & Butterflies. I'm not able to do any of this without your support.

As much as I write here about the Lord, I thought it only fitting that I devote at least one post to you. People should know that I'm here because of you. I know you loathe public attention as much as I'm trying to obtain it, so I promise not to do this again anytime soon. (This much I know I can get away with. :D)

I'm blessed that I married someone man enough to push through the hard times.

I love you, John—yesterday, today, forever.

~ Anne

P.S. I almost forgot—I also like those texts ...

Confront Lust

The theme for the Blog Carnival hosted today by Bridget Chumbley is lust. (More articles on "Lust" are here.)

The first gentle piece I wrote for today was rather wimpy so I tossed it. And since it was in a Twitter discussion that Mike Ellis suggested this theme and I responded with the dare for constructive confrontation of lust, I thought it only fair of me to meet that challenge head-on with these more forthright words.
====================

"The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see better than he can think."
~ Anonymous

Confront Lust

"I have made a covenant with my eyes;
Why then should I look upon a young woman?"
~ Job 31:1 (NKJV)

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
~ Proverbs 31:30 (NKJV)

Because they are less discreet, men are seen as the gender with a lust problem. Before addressing female lust, shall we acknowledge that women help perpetuate male lust with the way they present themselves?

I’m not proud to admit it, but I remember what it was like a couple of decades back to measure all my attire, adornment and mannerisms by their affect on the opposite sex. Shame on me and the women who have tried to manipulate a man’s attention with subtle (or not so subtle) yet open seduction. And it is seduction, even if a woman says she doesn’t mean it that way.

Gentlemen, surely you are not so weak and stupid that you cannot see such female behavior for the snare it is. If you don’t want to be a woman’s prey, I suggest you keep your attention on her from the neck up, and keep your contact with her clean. I know this can be a challenge, because my own eyes have difficulty from straying to attention grabbers on women—and hardly because I'm attracted to it. But if a painfully attractive, bronzed and bare-chested construction worker can stand three feet from me while I keep my eyes above his neck, keep my hormones in check, and keep my attention on the roof work being discussed, then I know it’s possible for you to do likewise with women.

Ladies, do you reduce yourselves to a pretty piece of hairdo and flesh? If you do get a man to drool over the outward, how difficult will it be to re-divert his attention to the inward? Women were created not as advertisements, but to radiate beauty—the beauty of the Lord's light.

Furthermore, ladies, can we acknowledge that our lust may be as pervasive as men's? If we don't struggle with keeping our eyes above a man's neck, it's because that's where our primary lust lies. Regardless of any interest in his body, we're more interested in his attention.

What do little girls dream of? The Prince Charming who will marry the maiden and shower her with his love so that they live happily ever after. But either Prince Charming fails to marry us, and leaves us with broken hearts; or, he marries us, we discover that Prince Charming has other things on his mind besides us, and we decide he's not so perfect.

So we're inclined to lust after potential Prince Charmings: the co-worker who's such a gentleman; the man at church who treats his wife in a manner we wish a man might treat us; the kind and handsome sir who frequently crosses our path too briefly. The fact that female lust is more emotional than physical doesn't mean it isn't lust, and doesn't make it less dangerous to either present or future marriage.

We women forget that no man is perfect, and no man can meet all of our emotional needs. Admit it ladies: if you were married to the Lord Jesus Himself you'd complain that He gives work all His attention and is on the road too much.

If you're a single woman, be careful about where you let your heart wander. You'll miss out on blessings of what is if you're too caught up dreaming of what might be.

If you're a married woman and have serious marital issues, address them respectfully. But remember that you're not perfect, and no matter how your husband might change he still wouldn't be perfect. Resolve not to day dream about other men, make your marriage the very best it can be, and give your husband the respect, attention and passion that belong to him, both in the bedroom and elsewhere.

Men, if you feel your wife fails to give you all this, do you fantasize or lust over women who might? If your wife isn't generous enough with physical affection, do you feel you're being denied your marital rights? Do you deny her the affection and attention which warm her—which constitute her marital rights? The Bible says, "Husbands, love your wives." Do you love your wife and put her needs above your own, as Paul instructs? Or do you turn the attention that belongs to her elsewhere? (Just some suggested thoughts from a woman's point of view.)

There's plenty more I might say. I'll simply leave men and women alike with a recommendation for "bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ." Trying to push away temptation doesn't tend to be effective, because the resulting void creates a vacuum into which the temptation returns.

More effective is filling your mind and heart with something more valuable than the object of temptation.

I say then: Walk in the Spirit,
and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
~ Galatians 5:16 (NKJV)

A postscript: Wives, husbands, remember to pray for each other. Even if you're single, you can pray now for the man or woman the Lord might one day make your spouse.

Father in Heaven, please use Your Holy Spirit to speak to each of us how You'd fill us with something better than whatever we might lust after. Please increase our desire for such blessing. Please give us all the needed strength to direct our hearts and minds toward You.

Contrasting points-of-view, questions and feedback are invited. Post to BuildingHisBody.com "Comments" or e-mail to BuildingHisBody@gmail.com. Copyright 2010, Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.
Photo from glamour.com

Beloved, Part II

[Jesus] said to him the third time, "Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?" Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, "Do you love Me?" And he said to Him, "Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You."
~ John 21:17 (NKJV)

A Psalm of David The Servant of the LORD,
Who Spoke to the LORD The Words of This Song ...
I will love You, O LORD, my strength.
~ Psalms 18:1 (NKJV)

Thoughts on what it means to say "I love you," with thanks to Shark Bait, who today hosts a guest blog rerun of mine by the same title. (Be sure to visit Shark Bait, my precious friend of a FISH—Faithful In Serving Him.)

l l l l l

Can we say the words, "I love you" too often? Should they be like fine china, brought out only for special occasions when they will be most appreciated? Or is it possible to make them meaningful each time because they are never a substitute for showing love? Actions speak louder than words, but words backed by actions speak loudest.

Jesus restored Peter by compelling of him the words "I love you" as many times as Peter had denied him.

My husband and I celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary today. As I search for meaning in this seemingly random number, it occurs to me that 18 is the number at which a person is considered an adult, when the world looks for credible maturity. I think my marriage grown-up. I hear my "I love you" as mature. But do I truly display maturity as a wife to him and to those around me? Or do I merely think I've learned much when in fact I'm just beginning to learn?

I've been reflecting the last few days on the words of Michael Hyatt on marriage, from his not-to-be-missed message "What Keeps You Going When You Want to Quit?" of July 31st. It occurs to me that while some people approach marriage with the attitude of "divorce is not an option," more difficult than not quitting on marriage legally is not quitting on a marriage emotionally—not reaching the point where it is an effort to say "I love you."

The most passionate and most prolific author of praise, King David, began the psalm written at his life's end with the words, "I will love You." He evidently did not see death as the end of love, but believed it a place from which to commit to eternal love.

I love You, O Lord, my Strength and my Song. I have loved You more and more each day that I've been privileged to know You. I neither tire of saying the words nor of looking for ways to live them. There is never a day You've not shown Your love for me. Show me how to live those words so that they are meaningful every time I say them to You, every time I say them to my husband, and every time I say them to the many people I love.

Feedback appreciated! Post to BuildingHisBody.com "Comments" or e-mail to BuildingHisBody@gmail.com. Copyright 2009, Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.

Dod-iy / My Beloved

For July, each post examines an Old Testament name of God.

Dod-iy / My Beloved
(pronounced: "dohd-EE")

Now let me sing for my Beloved my love song ...
~ Isaiah 5:1 (author)

His mouth is most sweet,
Yes, he is altogether lovely.
This is my beloved,
And this is my friend ...
I am my beloved's,
And my beloved is mine...
I am my beloved's,
And his desire is toward me...
Make haste, my beloved.
~ Song of Solomon 5:16; 6:3; 7:10; 8:14 (NKJV)

Song of Solomon is in the Hebrew called "Song of Songs." This most beautiful, most sensual, most romantic love song is indeed a song above all others, composed as God's very Word.

The ballad may—nay, must—be read two entirely different ways to be appreciated. (It helps to use a translation such as the NKJV which identifies speakers, based on the gender and quantity of Hebrew pronouns, which are otherwise unclear in the English.)

One first reads this short book as the account of King Solomon and his Shulamite bride, named by him only as "My Love." Scripture's portrayal of consummated romance is the model for wedded lovers of all times. The poem never ventures into the graphic illustrations characteristic of our culture. It instead draws upon evocative imagery which piques the imagination. The kiss with which everything begins is described in the words "Your lips, O my spouse, drip as the honeycomb; honey and milk are under your tongue ..." (4:11)

But such imagery is not what elevates this poetry as the Song above all other songs. Ready to take romance up a notch?

The fuller understanding of Solomon's love song requires a second full read, identifying "My Beloved" as the divine Bridegroom. The king and his bride are an allegory of the King of kings and His blood-purchased bride, the church. Song of Songs is poignant revelation of Christ's all-consuming love for us.

This most excellent romance expresses things such as how we see ourselves ("do not look upon me, because I am dark"), and how our Beloved sees His bride ("Behold, you are fair, my love!") He lingers over every part of her, noting every detail (4:1-15; 7:1-8)—even as the Holy Spirit seeks to touch every part of our lives.

Surprising details include the bride's ability to captivate her Bridegroom with her mere glance ("My sister, My spouse, you have ravished My heart with one look of your eyes"), and even overwhelm Him with her gaze ("Turn away your eyes from Me, for they overwhelm Me"). Her detailed description (5:10-16) of the One she calls "My Beloved" demonstrates a long study which has taken Him in completely. When His bride describes the King to others, they are compelled to seek Him out, that they might look at Him for themselves (6:1).

The entire protrait is not of submission to a Husband's dominion, but of a bride surrendered to her Lover's delight in her and of her delight in Him. I have attempted to say enough to capture your interest, without spoiling Song of Songs for your own read. The best is left to be discovered.

I close with a last observation. The passionate zeal of both human and divine romance is depicted as nothing less than the very "flame of YAH" (8:6)—tomorrow's final name in the series.

Feedback appreciated! Post to BuildingHisBody.com "Comments" or e-mail to BuildingHisBody@gmail.com. Copyright 2009, Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.

Ishi / Husband

For July, each post examines an Old Testament name of God.

Ishi / Husband
(prounounced: "eesh-ee")


"You will call Me 'My Husband,'
And no longer call Me 'My Master.' "
~ Hosea 2:16 (NKJV)

For your Maker is your husband,
The LORD of hosts is His name.
Isaiah 54:5 (NKJV)

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved [His bride] the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish... This is a great mystery ...
~ Ephesians 5:25-27,32 (NKJV)

Most Christians are aware that the church is called the bride of Christ, and He is called the Bridegroom. The relationship Paul calls a mystery is first observed in the Old Testament, where God speaks of Himself as a Husband to His people.

In doing so, the Lord intimates Himself as more than Creator, Master, Lord. He holds out a relationship more precious and meaningful than every other human relationship. If I might be so bold to make the suggestion, I believe the great love the Creator puts between a man and his wife moves us so powerfully simply because its purpose is to magnify the love and relationship the Lord offers those who are His.

Our response? Here's a place to start. A wife in love with her husband seeks to please him. She’ll learn to cook his favorite foods. She’ll dress and style herself in the manner he likes to look at. She’ll learn what pleases him and not only offer it as part of her love for him, but she'll conform herself to being what He favors. She becomes uniquely his.

God tells us what He finds desirable. As any Bridegroom, Christ wants a glorious bride. His Word tells us, "Be holy, for I AM holy" (1 Peter 1:16). And because we're unable to do it for ourselves, Christ puts His Spirit in us to prepare us for the day we meet Him. The Holy Spirit acts as a divine valet, washing us and teaching us and conforming us into the bride Christ waits to return for.

Yesterday's post described "holy" as set apart from all that is ordinary. Over at the blog What I Learned Today, Billy Coffey rightly said one of the devil's greatest lies is "that we are all ordinary." Peter not only reminds us to be holy, but goes on to counter the devil's lie with this:
But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light. (1 Peter 2:9 NKJV)

The King James translates "special people" as "peculiar people." The Greek peripoiesis combines peri (around, for oneself) with poieo (to make or do), and the combination describes something uniquely acquired, with which to surround oneself.

As a man acquires a wife.

By dwelling inside of us, God surrounds Himself with us. As He makes us holy, we are set apart with him, not from Him, both unique and uniquely His.

Feedback appreciated! Post to BuildingHisBody.com "Comments" or e-mail to BuildingHisBody@gmail.com. Copyright 2009, Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.

Having Children

"If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple."
~ Luke 14:26 (NKJV)

And it was not Adam who was deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and broke God's law. But a woman will be saved [preserved whole] through having children, if she perseveres in faith and love and holiness, with modesty.
~ 1 Timothy 2:15 (GNB, amplified by author)

"Unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me."
~ Matthew 18:3-5 (NKJV)

I thought today's post would be about great love for God willing to push aside even something as good as children—as if with hatred—for the sake of the divine. Then I read Letting Be, by my friend Billy Coffey, about the importance of allowing ourselves to live life by doing a little more nothing.

Every truth has offsetting truth, to give truth wholeness and balance. I might use God as an excuse to give my spouse and children less than they deserve, because "I love God so much." Truly, my love for God must far exceed love of family. But especially as a woman, I should remember that after Eve sinned, she was preserved whole for the sake of having children.

Feminists are surely screaming. Even Christian women may be wincing. And God does not direct or even allow every woman to have children. But shame on me if I use "serving God" as excuse to neglect motherhood. My friend Denise is just one beautiful example of love for family balanced with love for God. There is more than one way to be fruitful for the kingdom.

Being wife and mother (daughter too) is my first work and ministry. I do well to remember it.

Heavenly Father, I am incredibly blessed to be a wife and mother. Thank You for all the love in my life because of my family. Please help me keep balance—to put You first, family second, and only then service to neighbor. Lord help me learn how to sit still and do nothing just a little bit more.

Feedback invited. Post to BuildingHisBody.com "Comments" or e-mail to BuildingHisBody@gmail.com. Copyright 2009, Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.

Be Ever Intoxicated

"If a man lies with a woman and has an emission of semen, both of them shall bathe themselves in water and be unclean until the evening."
~ Leviticus 15:18 (ESV)

Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice in the wife of your youth,
An affectionate deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts satisfy you at all times.
Be ever intoxicated with her love.
~ Proverbs 5:18-19 (author)

"For when they rise from the dead, [man and woman] neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven."
~ Mark 12:25 (NKJV)

Whatever else the ancient law of uncleanness after physical intimacy might mean, it required a man to abstain from sex if he wished to take part in holy rituals, allowing him to have his heart focused on God. It also prevented a casual approach to sexual relations. Whatever was lost in spontaneity was surely gained in careful planning and anticipation.

Who can argue against taking a more careful approach to both the Lord and sex? Scripture provides ample evidence that God intended intimacy between husband and wife to be far more than a routine experience. While the Bible admonishes against being intoxicated with strong drink, it directs a man to be ever intoxicated with love for his wife.

Human marriage will not exist for resurrected bodies. Heaven's delights of marital intimacy will be between Christ and His bride. Without a doubt we will then be ever intoxicated with love.

Lord Jesus, we cannot see or hear, nor even imagine the things You now prepare for Your bride. Please help us cooperate with Your work of preparation in us. Please lead the marital love we know now to be all You intend. Teach us to rightly be ever intoxicated with love.

Feedback invited. Post to BuildingHisBody.com "Comments" or e-mail to BuildingHisBody@gmail.com. Copyright 2009, Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.

His Very Own

His Very Own

Moses said to Aaron and to his sons, "... You shall not go out from the door of the Tent of Meeting seven days, until the days of your consecration are fulfilled."
~ Leviticus 8:31-33 (WEB)

"Fulfill the week of this one, and we will give you the other also ..." Jacob agreed thus, and fulfilled Leah's bridal week.
~ Genesis 29:27-28 (author)

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people to be his very own and to proclaim the wonderful deeds of the one who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.
~ 1 Peter 2:9 (ISV)

The custom of Bible times was to isolate a bride for seven days in her husband's bedchamber, set apart as his very own. The festivities of a week-long wedding feast surrounded those intimate first days of dedication to each other.

The seven days of consecration for the priests set apart to God mirrored the bridal week. It appears that the Lord directed the priests to be isolated in the tabernacle for a week to become intimately familiar with the holy things, and to know themselves set apart as His very own.

Those chosen to belong to Christ are His royal priesthood. We are a people likewise set apart as His very own, designed to know Him intimately. The church's title of bride is not metaphor but reality.

Beloved Bridegroom, You promised that You left us only to prepare a place for us. Our time of waiting grows long and we grow weary. Please strengthen us that we'd be found awake and waiting, with brightly lit lamps filled with the oil of Your Spirit.

[More on this tomorrow. Marriage Part III has been planned for weeks. I realized only today that the above passage "coincidentally" precedes it.]

Feedback invited. Post to BuildingHisBody.com "Comments" or e-mail to BuildingHisBody@gmail.com. Copyright 2009, Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.

Friday Freelance: MARRIAGE, PART II

In a land long ago and far away I heard that it's best to marry someone of a similar background (for compatible expectations), similar goals (compatible destinations), and similar beliefs (compatible travel through life).

I then wore a badge and gun, and one day met a man who did too. Like me he was raised in a Catholic family of eight children, and had recently come to believe salvation comes solely by faith in Christ. We loved the outdoors, time spent reading, travel, and hours the Midwest calls second shift and the West calls swing shift. When the subject of children arose he said two and I said three—close enough for government workers.

One cop in any marriage is difficult enough, so I got a desk job until I became a mother and homemaker. I'd loved the dry sunny Colorado outdoors, but now hide inside from Michigan's damp cloud cover. We've learned to take separate Colorado vacations together—he hangs around deer camp and I hang around dear kin.

He likes his meat and potatoes mild and prefers variety (home-cooked), while I prefer ethnic heat and spice and can reliably cook only the familiar. I exhaustively check ingredients for what's healthy while he heads to the checkout with what's happy. Our five kids might view him as a couch potato and me as a Mexican jumping bean, but of course neither's entirely accurate.

Early on he insisted on a computer I saw no need for and am now joined to at the hip. I resisted his plea to get me a cell phone and now use most of our minutes. People often query his firearms expertise, while I wield the sword of the Lord's Word.

He loves T-shirts and hates ties though I coordinate dresses with accessories even at home. His ideal Sunday afternoon is spent quietly relaxing with the paper, but the more people the better for mine. The cup is inevitably half empty for him and half full for me—and I'll argue even 10% full isn't empty.

His (sometimes boring) steadiness anchors my (possibly rash) impulsiveness. My fluid intensity contrasts his static stoicism, enabling well-rounded perspectives—and misunderstandings. Plentiful tears of laughter or grief color my comedy-drama view of life, defying his dream of a mundane calm life. He shuns the spotlight that I glow in to applaud me.

His work is to step into the world's chaos and restore order. My work is to wait for his day's end and restore him. When I work to restore the world and get in over my head he pulls me out.

We're impossible opposites. Either of us is competent enough to survive alone. Yet we desperately need each other, for neither of us would be wholly who we are without the other.

Who could make two become one without ceasing to be two? The God who hears John say two, Anne say three, then gives us five.

Next Friday, Marriage Part III

Feedback invited. Post to BuildingHisBody.com "Comments" or e-mail to BuildingHisBody@gmail.com. Copyright 2009, Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.

Friday Freelance: MARRIAGE, PART I

This week, the words of others. Next week mine.

We fall in love with a personality, but we must live with a character.
~ Peter De Vries

The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together.
~ Robert C. Dodds

A man who really loves a woman doesn't bother trying to understand her.
~ O.A. Battista

Marriage has teeth, and him bite very hot.
~ Jamaican Proverb

You don't marry one person, you marry three: the person you think they are, the person they are, and the person they are going to become as the result of being married to you.
~ Richard Needham

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
~ Mignon McLaughlin

A woman is as old as she looks to a man who likes to look at her.
~ Finley Peter Dunne

Love at first sight is easy to understand. It's when two people have been looking at each other for years that it becomes a miracle.
~ Sam Levenson

A wedding is an event, but marriage is an achievement.
~ Anonymous

Married life teaches one invaluable lesson: to think of things far enough ahead not to say them.
~ Jefferson Machamer

Love talked about can be easily turned aside, but love demonstrated is irresistible.
~ W. Stanley Mooneyham

Whoever thinks marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition doesn't know the half of it.
~ Franklin P. Jones

A perfect wife is one who doesn't expect a perfect husband.
~ Anonymous

Marriage ... resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated, often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them.
~ Sydney Smith

The marriages we regard as the happiest are those in which each of the partners believes that he or she got the best of it.
~ Sydney J. Harris

What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?
~ Gary Thomas

All that a husband or wife really wants is to be pitied a little, praised a little, appreciated a little.
~ Oliver Goldsmith

Love does not die easily. It is a living thing. It thrives in the face of all life's hazards, save one—neglect.
~ James D. Bryden

Love and time—those are the only two things in all the world and in all of life that cannot be bought, only spent.
~ Gary Jennings

Love is not measured by how many times you touch each other, but by how many times you reach each other.
~ Cathy Morancy

Love is the answer, no matter the question.
~ Anonymous

Feedback invited. Post to BuildingHisBody.com "Comments" or e-mail to BuildingHisBody@gmail.com.

Born Again

Jesus answered and said to him, "Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God." Nicodemus said to Him, "How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother's womb and be born?" (John 3:3-4 NKJV)

"He who has the bride is the bridegroom; but the friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom's voice. Therefore this joy of mine is fulfilled. He must increase, but I must decrease." (John 3:29-30 NKJV)

Be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble; for so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 1:10-11 NKJV)

A marriage custom in Jesus’ time was for the friend of the bridegroom to stand outside the bridal chamber and wait for the bridegroom to announce the marriage had been consummated—and the guests did not begin the wedding feast before that announcement.

As the bridegroom’s voice confirmed consummation of a marriage begun at betrothal, and as birth confirms the new life conceived months earlier, entrance to the kingdom is confirmed by more than the verbal assent to Jesus which even demons give. Making our call and election sure by faith will trust Him enough to give ourselves to Him as fully as a bride to her bridegroom—to be born again as a new person—and enter a new relationship from which there is no going back to the life before.

Lord Jesus, thank You for new life and a fresh start. Thank You for every day of eternity with You which begins when we are born again. Please use us to bring others to fully surrender to You.

Comments are invited! Post here, or e-mail via profile page.
Copyright 2008, Anne Lang Bundy

A Complete Work

Examine me, O Lord, and prove me; try my mind and my heart. … Lord, I have loved the habitation of Your house, and the place where Your glory dwells. (Psalm 26:2,8 NKJV)

He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6 NKJV)

A marriage is not accomplished on the wedding day—the real work then starts. The relationship with Jesus Christ is not completed in the day one comes to Him, but only beginning.

The Old Testament temple no longer exists. The believer’s body is now the earthly habitation of God’s glory. We cannot make ourselves a fit place for the Holy Spirit to live. He first moves in, and then begins His work of sanctification, cleaning and restoring every place yielded to Him.

Sanctification’s work nears completion on the day when however we are offended, we bleed only love.

Lord Jesus, thank You for the blood that makes our soul righteous in our Father’s sight. Thank You for choosing to live now within a work in progress. Please help us cooperate with Your design for us.

Feedback invited. Post to BuildingHisBody.com "Comments" or e-mail to BuildingHisBody@gmail.com. © 2008, Anne Lang Bundy