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Saturday, September 4, 2010

I Wept Much

"Who is worthy to open the scroll and to loose its seals?"
And no one in heaven or on the earth or under the earth was able to open the scroll, or to look at it. So I wept much, because no one was found worthy ...
~ Revelation 5:2-4 (NKJV)

I have wept much. My family knows I cry at movies, happy and sad alike, and sometimes they see other tears. But the tears go back to well before their time.

Because one I trusted for protection dealt harshly with me, spurned my innocence, and abandoned me, I wept much. When those dearest to me died, when they suffered at the hands of others or for their own mistakes, or when they chose to persist in a living death, I wept much. There were times when I was rejected, ridiculed, or unfairly judged, and I wept much.

I wept enough to suffer eye problems, stomach problems, skin problems, breathing problems, memory problems. I wept enough to despair of life, for many years before I knew Jesus, and again after many years of walking with Him. I wept enough to understand how a woman could literally wash the filth of ancient Israel's streets from a man's feet with her tears.

My eye wastes away with grief,
Yes, my soul and my body!
For my life is spent with grief,
And my years with sighing;
My strength fails because of my iniquity,
And my bones waste away.
~ Psalms 31:9-10 (NKJV)

I understand the tears of the sinful woman who bathed Jesus' soon-to-be-pierced feet with them, because of all the things over which I have wept much, my sin tops the list. I cannot bear to think of all the suffering caused by my sin to myself, to others, and to my precious Lord. I despise the thoughts, feelings, words and actions of which I'm yet capable.

Those who have eyes filled with tears
should live as though they have no sorrow.
~ 1 Corinthians 7:30 (GW)

I am able to go on living with hope only because of a day 25 years ago. I possessed the book with words of life and light and love, but was not worthy to break its seals. The One Who gave His life for me broke open the seals, showering me with Truth.

I now know of the God Who has saved me from my oppressive sin, does not condemn me for it, and washes feet which still walk in filth; I know of His promise too never to forsake me; I know His comfort and love.

I identify with John's words "I wept much" not because I've also done so, but because of where I'd be without the words on that scroll.

: : :

Today's post was to be on the movie The Book of Eli. That will appear on Monday instead, with posts on the Revelation of Jesus Christ resuming on Tuesday after the holiday weekend.

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  1. Beautiful Anne. I've wept much as well. Honestly I'd weep a lot more if I wasn't over the watchful supervision of five other people in close quarters. Isn't that the truth of being a mom?

    I'm always intrigued by people in the Bible who cry out to the Lord with tears, and He is moved by their entreaty. I'd love an expository on this someday. Hint, hint...

  2. Such a lovely post sis. I also have wept much, still do. I love you sis.

  3. ...know you have suffered a great deal, Anne and have an ever greater knowldge of His love. still remember one of your posts when you prayed that you wanted to stay until the very last moment in order to rescue as many as you could from hell. to be honest with you, i thought that was a bit extreme....nutty even. but now think/realize that you are "learning" His love. you know from where He has brought you and in turn your love just continues to grow. there's something to be said for abiding in Him. the Truth in His Love...

  4. btw...when i said i thought that yoo be a bit extreme/nutty in that other post. i hope He and you aren't offended by it.

  5. Those who have been forgiven much, love much. Very often tears are prayers ...

  6. T ~

    It's not a complete treatment of the subject, but Sunday's post is a response to your topic suggestion.

  7. Denise ~

    The Lord has every tear in His bottle.

  8. Bud ~

    First off, to any accusation of "nutty" I'd plead guilty.

    For what it's worth, I'm not willing to stay until the very end for the sake of those to be saved from Hell, because their eternal destiny isn't dependent on me. The more obedient we are to the Lord, the more occasions we provide the damned to come to Him sooner. But no one in Hell can say it's the fault of a negligent Christian, or a hypocritical Christian, or any other failure of a Christian that a condemned soul failed to respond properly to God.

    The people I'm willing to stay until the last minute for—even if I was the last person to die before the rapture and missed out on it—are the saints. I'd love to be in the Lord's presence. But "necessity is laid upon me." The years of suffering here are but a breath. In them I receive opportunity to lay up eternal treasure. I'm not greedy to have it for myself (since for myself I simply want Heaven). I'm greedy to have full arms to present to my precious Savior when I one day stand before Him.

    What's more, my love for the people who need encouragement to see them through Earth's final darkest days (my five darlings are at the top of that list) compels me to ask for the long life I don't particularly want for myself.

    For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. But if I live on in the flesh, this will mean fruit from my labor; yet what I shall choose I cannot tell. For I am hard-pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better. Nevertheless to remain in the flesh is more needful for you. (Philippians 1:21-24 NKJV)

  9. Susan ~

    I've sensed your tears for as long as I've known you. A soul as gentle as yourself has surely known brokenness.

  10. Russ ~

    I'd never thought of tears themselves as prayers. Perhaps that is the reason the Lord collects them. We collect what is precious to us—do we not?

  11. Snady ~

    Tender? I can't take credit. The Lord's the One to have shaped it, for sure.


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