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Friday, June 19, 2009

Friday Freelance: FAVOR

Why me?

My memories of my youth are of being pretty unhappy with life. Mostly because as I looked at people around me, it seemed everyone else had it ... better.

I was a geeky kid growing up. The other kids were all taller, prettier, more popular. More normal. They had more cool stuff than I did, nicer clothes, less weird parents. The teachers liked them more. I was the oldest in a large family and had more chores than anyone else I knew. I spent many hours lamenting my sad state in life and my lack of friends.

Little improved as a teen, when the other girls had boyfriends and I did not, because I still wasn't popular among my peers. So I decided to skip the teen years and move on to being an adult, hanging around people ten years older than me who accepted me—for their own various reasons. I'd learned to work hard, so employers liked me as an employee. I was smart enough to excel at nearly anything I put my mind to and afraid of almost nothing, so I could always be counted on to add something to anyone's venture. I accompanied my friends to the bar after work where I could put down shots without wincing (I learned to drink on Bushmills whiskey) and knew to quit before acting like a fool, so I fit in there. I learned how to get a boyfriend. Things seemed to be looking up.

After working quite successfully through a couple of jobs in the legal field, I decided to pursue a career in law enforcement. Did I say pursue? I became consumed. I studied Criminal Justice in college and volunteered at the police department. I always hated running but took up jogging and was on Nautilus equipment nearly daily. I learned to fit in with the cops professionally and socially. I eventually scored number four out of some 1500 applicants with the Denver Police, but declined their job offer in favor of the smaller department where I scored number one.

I found no peace in any of it. Fun? Absolutely. But emotional security remained as elusive as when I was a geeky kid. I never stopped feeling lonely. My teen sisters started families, and their facade of relational stability and love looked so ... better.

I believed in God. I talked to Him once in a while. But I only remember a single two word prayer.

Why me?

Why did everyone else seem happy but me? Why did I succeed and still feel like a complete failure? Why didn't any man really love me? Why did I feel so lonely surrounded by so many "friends"?

Being lonely and alone or being lonely in a crowd are bad enough. Being lonely with one other person is more than a soul can bear.

Optimist: Someone who gets a load of manure dumped
in front of them and immediately begins digging through it
to find the gift horse which was surely included.

Jesus Christ got a firm grip on me one day and I latched onto Him right back. He gave me truth and brought me peace. He made me know His love. He gave me an Extreme Makeover, Soul Edition, from the inside out.

He completely changed my perspective of circumstances. I began to see incredible blessing from Him everywhere, even when things don't go right. I learned how to depend upon Him when I feel weak. I came to know that however I struggle, He is right there with me.

My life has few easy days. I have plenty I could whine about if I chose to do so (and occasionally I do). But I see complaining as the opposite of thanksgiving, and God is far too good to me to allow for diluting blessing with whining.

I am astounded by the favor God shows me. How is it that my life should be so good?

When I think about His favor, a two word prayer frequently escapes:

Why me?

Your feedback is appreciated. Post to "Comments" or e-mail to Copyright 2009, Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.


  1. Colossians 3:1-2 says, "Since you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."

    It's easy to get caught up in this world, and to a point we must unless we move to a monastery or convent. Yet, our real life is ahead.

    Why me? My mind boggles at the grace and mercy of God.

  2. I love that word, astounded!

    It was also so cool to read how the Why Me changed.

    Your comment over at the blog party had me laughing. You know you and I would have too much fun! One time on one of my FB status comments I wrote, "I keep looking for normal, but she's very good at hiding." Story of my life right there. Not so interested in being normal now, but instead just want to be His.

    I loved reading about your life!

    Have a rockin' weekend!
    ~ Wendy

  3. I love how your "Why me?" changed as well. I feel the same question pressing in the midst of my blessings. God is good!

  4. Denise, the truth of "why me" often overwhelms.

    Amy, set your hearts on things above indeed makes all the difference. Though this world can exhaust us, we'll outlive it.

    Wendy, I'm way past the point of ever hoping for or even wanting normal again. I'm glad you loved reading about my life. It's way better to write about the past than it was to live it. My debt of love to Jesus will never be repaid, but it sure is a joy to make an attempt.

    Mary, isn't it amazing how God changes us yet leaves intact what defines us best? He is indeed good. Very, very good.

  5. Oh I love this! I'm trying to gives thanks more cerebrely than I use to and I too have been amazed at how richly blessed I truly am!

  6. T. Anne, I just noticed I somehow missed responding to you. So I'll take the opportunity to share something I just read this morning on this verse:

    Blessed be the Lord,
    Who daily loads us with benefits,
    The God of our salvation! Selah
    (Psalms 68:19 NKJV)

    Funny thing is, I don't often read Bible commentaries. But the comment which came up with this verse says:

    "Blessed be the Lord, who daily loadeth us with benefits ..." - literally, “day, day;” that is, day by day; or, constantly. The words “with benefits” are not in the original [Hebrew], and they do not convey the true idea of the passage. The word rendered "loadeth" means to take up; to lift, as a stone; to bear, to carry. Then it means “to take up and place upon a beast of burden;” to load. Hence, it means to impose or lay a burden or a load on one; and the idea here is, “Blessed be the Lord God even if he lays a burden on us, and if he does this daily, for he is the God of our salvation.” He enables us to bear it; he gives us strength; and finally he delivers us from it. “Though,” therefore, he constantly lays on us a burden, he as constantly aids us to bear it. He does not leave us. He enables us to triumph in him, and through him; and we have occasion constantly to honor and to praise his name. This accords with the experience of all his people, that however heavy may be the burden laid on them, and however constant their trials, they find him as constant a helper, and they daily have occasion to praise and bless him.

    So what I'm thinking is, it really doesn't matter if the word "benefits" isn't actually in the original text. Because even when He loads us with a burden, God intends to bring a blessing from it, so it really is a benefit.

    IMHO. ;)

    If you're inclined, also see Can't Not Bless and The Blessing of the Curse.


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