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Friday, October 9, 2009

Friday Freelance: FEIGNED

"It ain’t no disgrace for a man to fall, but to lie there and grunt is."
~ Josh Billings

Friday Freelance: FEIGNED

I've got this theme for Fridays—one word titles beginning with the letter 'f'. I usually know what I want to write and figure out what 'f' word dovetails into the theme. This time, the Lord gave me the word first: Feigned.

I didn't want to do a word that means false. If you want to rile me, misrepresent the truth. But that 'f' word kept coming to mind over the last few days when I asked the Lord what to write about this Friday.

Okay. I'll work with it.

A number of people have suggested I make blog posts more personal, because they're more interesting and more applicable that way. So I've been trying that. After recently talking about myself for several posts, though, I feel a little disgusted. Partly because this blog is supposed to be about building up you—Christ's body—not me. Partly because I want to put attention on Jesus, not me. Partly because I want to talk about things good and pleasant, not me.

Now please don't start thinking about all the nice things you're going to put in the comments. I appreciate that a number of people think well of me, even though I have yet to figure out how to handle compliments graciously. That's not what this is about.

Today's post is about the fact that I don't want to continually drag readers through the grime of my life. Yet if you don't know the grime is there, then all of this really does feel feigned.

I love the Lord. I wish I spent more time with Him. I used to consistently spend a two or three hours every morning indulgently reading His Word and praying. I loved it. I want to get back to that place, instead of the less than an hour it's become. Because the more time I spend with the Lord, the more clearly I discern His voice, the more solidly I begin my day with dependence on Him, and the more powerfully I'm equipped with His Spirit for every aspect of life.

Yet I don't quite manage it anymore. When I do, distractions take over far too easily.

The results are more marital conflict. I'm less patient and attentive with my children. I minister to others with canned goods rather than fresh fruit more often than I want to. My words, my actions, and my initiatives have more of me mixed in and less of the Spirit. And my temper? I let myself get riled, and then I'm likely to be anything but gracious.

I still walk in the Spirit. I talk to God and rely on Him throughout the day. But like punching the gas pedal on 4 cylinders and expecting to accelerate smoothly onto the freeway with V-8 horses, I can feel the difference. I may even stall and falter if I push too hard.

I'm human. But I also dislike being in this place. And I wonder how much is lost to me, to you, to everyone else whose life I touch because I'm still learning to walk the walk that I talk. Like sand slipping through my fingers, each day slips into eternity minus what might have been.

This post feels like a bit of a downer to me. I apologize for that.

Whatever else my other posts have been, this one's anything but feigned.

Contrasting points-of-view, questions and feedback are invited. Post to "Comments" or e-mail to Copyright 2009, Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.


  1. Boy, you're a lot more like me than you know. It's never pleasant to strip bare your soul and let everyone take a look but it seems to me you're human and that's something I've always assumed ;) I was raised far from gently reared and some of those ruff edges linger (though not too much). I find peace through the Holy Spirit because God knows I'll never be perfect in my coat of flesh. I have to stand in His son's righteousness every waking moment just so he'll see me.

  2. What you are, is what we all are sweetie, real human beings. But, by the grace of God, He can, and will make us better, and better. I love you.

  3. I'm really glad to read this post, Anne. When those who appear strong reveal their weakness, they show who is the real strength. The most admirable and faithful people I know are humble confessers.
    Besides, I got some pretty fresh fruit. :-)

  4. I enjoyed your analogies...canned fruit vs: fresh, gas pedal, sand slipping...I know I wasn't supposed to write anything nice, but the Spirit in you brings out the Spirit in me.
    ~ Wendy

  5. Our lives are like beautiful gardens overgrown with weeds. When you open up and get real, it lets us in to see how God is weeding and pruning, planting more beautiful things. Gardening is messy and lovely at the same time. It always encourages me to see God at work in someone else's garden because it gives me hope about what He's doing in mine.

  6. I appreciate your honesty in this post. It helps me put my own struggles into perspective, particularly the time I spend with the Lord. It's still a learning process for me, so your posts have been a blessing.

  7. Not a downer post at all. Sounds like a lot of my life....things creeping in and a drifting from what I really crave. Just a good reminder for reflection of stuff in our way. blessings louie

  8. You are ALMOST as messed up as Mike. We love you as our sister in Christ who teaches us through her human experience. "Canned" or "Fresh," our Lord is using you... Exciting to witness...

  9. T. Anne, I love your words. "... my coat of flesh. I have to stand in His son's righteousness every waking moment just so He'll see me." I love my Savior so very much!

    Denise, His grace is sufficient and I praise Him for it!

    Rosslyn, I'm happy to provide that fresh fruit. You bless me in the receiving!

    Wendy, the Spirit's in residence, for sure. I'm just greedy for more of Him, so I'll have more to share with you!

    Angela, your words call to mind that Jesus called the place we'll meet Him (when the pruning is finished) "Paradise."

    Cindy, I never tire of the comments that simply affirm you've been blessed by stopping by. Thank you.

    Louie, I appreciate a "youngster" like you saying this isn't a downer. blessings backatcha!

    Russell, LOL! I suppose if I shave my head and put a half-head shot on Twitter I'd be AS messed up as Mike? I'll admit it's also exciting to live all this out ... some days. Thanks for being a friend. I love you too, my brother.

  10. Wow, what an awesome post, Anne.

    I minister to others with canned goods rather than fresh fruit.

    How convicting is that!? I'm right there, with you, sister!

    Good news is, God is still soveriegn over our canned goods.

    Sounds like we'll both be enjoying tending the garden of whitespace this weekend. Will think of you with every sip of java. ;)

  11. Bonnie, I'm encouraged by your comment. Thank you! And I'm warily eyeing the forecast (overnight low 27) and the rain. I'll lay out warm clothes tonight for tomorrow morning ...

  12. A. Amos, I thank you for offering "Sounds to me like you're on His track... Be blessed as you lift Jesus higher."

    I do think that personal testimony is effective in communicating our messages. It's simply a matter of balance, making sure that testimony about what the Lord's done in our lives puts the emphasis on "Lord" rather than "our."


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